


A Much Smaller View

by rudigersmooch



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Dreamwidth: Equality Auction, F/M, Gen, Introspection, Pre-Relationship, complicated feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudigersmooch/pseuds/rudigersmooch
Summary: While Dukat is away fighting the Klingons, Ziyal misses her father, and she considers the idea that Major Kira might miss him too. (Or at least miss hating everything about him.)Set after "Return to Grace," S4E14.
Relationships: Dukat/Kira Nerys, Kira Nerys & Tora Ziyal
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	A Much Smaller View

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Enisy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enisy/gifts).



> Hello Enisy! I hope you enjoy this - I brainstormed with your prompts/likes for a while and decided I loved "Divorced Parents Energy," and then I remembered how much I love Ziyal. Sorry I didn't end up writing you the hatesex this pairing calls for, but maybe another time. ;)

Though there was something comforting about the view of the stars from the promenade, Ziyal tried not to linger when other people were around if she could help it. The decision wasn't motivated by possessiveness over the view or a need for quiet—truth be told, she thought the clear panes would feel warmer against her skin if she'd had someone to share the chill with—but instead an instinct that she had a hard time denying. Her features might've been a mix of Bajoran and Cardassian, but this instinct was as strong in her as it was in any full-blooded Cardassian: the instinct not to let weakness show, this need not to be seen pining for something she didn't have. 

Ziyal had never been good about missing people, but when it came to her father, the hope of him returning was like the air in the mines: close to smothering, but also something she desperately needed to survive. It wasn't something she could bear to have other people see, not when each passing moment felt the emotion change.

There was one person who could always find her, however, and when she heard the light tread of boots behind her, Ziyal knew who it was without turning.

"Ziyal? What are you doing up here so late?"

"I couldn't sleep, and I wanted to see the stars. They're beautiful." Ziyal sighed softly and watched the condensation from her breath fog the glass, then dissipate into the processed atmosphere. "Father won't be coming back for a long time, will he?"

Nerys didn't say anything for a moment, but the sympathy and understanding were obvious in the hand she curled gently around Ziyal's shoulder. The gesture, normally so comforting, only made Ziyal feel more conflicted.

"I know what it's like to miss your father," Nerys said with a gentleness far greater than Ziyal deserved. "And to feel like you don't belong."

 _How could you possibly?_ Ziyal wanted to say, but as she turned to look at Nerys, the words wouldn't come—she knew they were wrong, the product of the mess of feelings swirling in her chest. Ziyal knew enough about Major Kira, both from what Nerys herself chose to share and from what she'd gleaned from conversations with her father, to know that her life hadn't been easy. That, despite the perfect edges of her Bajoran nose and the proud line of her back, Nerys had dealt with more than most.

It was a sign of Major Kira's great strength of character, Ziyal supposed, that she could bear to look her in the eyes and comfort her over the absence of someone all of Bajor loathed.

"I know he's out there, Nerys, and I believe he will return when he is able." Of that, Ziyal had no doubt. "But I spent years waiting for him the last time we were separated." 

"Oh, I know that look," Nerys said, and then she smiled wide, looking relieved. "I was wondering when this would happen."

"When what would happen?"

"Something I felt a lot when I was around your age," Nerys said, though that answer didn't help much. "I spent a lot of my life being angry. At our invaders, at the people who refused to help, at those who escaped justice, at—" She stopped herself, as though remembering it was Ziyal she was talking to.

Ziyal didn't need her to finish to know what she hadn't said.

"I'm not angry, Nerys." Ziyal didn't know how to explain what she felt. She was no stranger to anger, but she didn't like to let it fester; this coldness she felt, though, was something she couldn't seem to stop from spreading, even as she couldn't describe it.

Nerys, however, seemed to understand her better than Ziyal understood herself.

"Yes, you are," Nerys said with a certainty that Ziyal would never understand. "You're angry, and scared, and hurt, and upset. You wish your life could be different, and you keep thinking about how it could've been, if only your father had made different choices. After that, you'll think that he didn't care about you enough to do so." Nerys looked away. "And you'll be wrong, and you'll be right, and then you'll realize you're where you're meant to be. That's the worst part."

Ziyal swallowed.

"Does it ever go away?" she asked, her voice small. She wasn't sure Nerys heard her, but when Nerys opened her arms, Ziyal walked into the embrace.

"Feelings don't go away," Nerys said, "they just change. Whether you want them to or not."

The words weren't comforting, but the way Nerys said them was: with acceptance, and a little anger. They were also more enlightening than Major Kira had probably intended, and Ziyal felt a different kind of hope in her chest, one that easily drowned the rest.

"Did yours change?" Ziyal asked quietly, with her fingers clenching against Nerys' back. "For my father?"

It was the wrong thing to say, and when Nerys pulled away, Ziyal expected to receive an immediate, passionate rebuttal.

She didn't, and the silence was filled with shocking possibilities.

"My opinion of your father aside," Nerys said, her lips twisted in a familiar moue of distaste, "I know he cares about you. Possibly more than he cares about anyone." Nerys smoothed a gentle hand over Ziyal's hair. "And that's enough."

 _But is that all?_ Ziyal wondered, but she didn't dare ask. She'd challenged Nerys' feelings enough for one night, and Nerys had rewarded her with compassion and understanding.

They stood there and watched the stars together for as many minutes as Nerys could spare, and when they parted ways, Ziyal felt curiously at peace.

  


* * *

  


The next time her father visited the station to see her, Ziyal invited Major Kira to lunch with them. She wasn't sure it was the right decision—Nerys quickly tried to hide her scowl as she accepted, while Ziyal's father made no such attempt to hide his delight—but there was a question that Ziyal needed answered, and she needed to see them together to understand it.

They argued. They fought. They bickered, and they ate lunch, and then they separated.

When her father left, Ziyal didn't watch his ship leave the station; instead, she watched Nerys smile to herself, looking quietly pleased for a moment before she successfully wiped it off her face. It was a smile Ziyal had seen before—a long time ago, from her mother—and it was just as conflicted as it had been back then.

Apparently, Ziyal wasn't the only one who had complicated feelings concerning her father.


End file.
